hammie's writings

  Yearning (noun): a feeling of intense longing for something.   Some days I wake up and the sun could be warm and comforting but I will still miss the rain and for as long as I remember, I was always the sort of person to be crippled by yearning.      I long for the things I have, for the things I don’t have, and for the things I am yet to have. I don’t mean that maliciously, I just feel the ache of missing things so deeply in my chest. I miss feelings, people, thoughts, and conversations. I crave the feeling of the sun on my face, the sound of laughter, the smell of the ground after the rain. I miss gentle smiles hidden behind coffee cups and a bowl of dessert shared in the dark.    I miss the people who have silently left my life but left a gaping space in my heart that they occupied once, and I miss the ones who left behind wounds that still bleed.  I ache for the days when my friends were only a highway away when I could have pulled them into...

   Taylor Swift was right.  I don't think anyone could have prepared me for how 22 would be the most confusing age of my life.   Being 22 is physically feeling the growing pains but no matter how much you push through it feels like you’re stagnant. It feels like the world has already passed me by and I didn’t seize any opportunities or build anything worthwhile . I look at everyone around me and even though I know you shouldn’t compare myself to others I can’t help it. One friend already has a job. The other one is making plans to study abroad. My friends are falling in and out of love and someone is getting married.       What about me?    I'm still stuck here, and life is passing me by too fast. It feels too late but too early to do anything. There are so many things I could have done by now that I didn’t, but there is also still so much more to do.  You graduate thinking this is when your life will really begin but no one warns you ho...

  I’ve been going on what I like to call “mental health walks” once a week. I’ll put on a podcast and walk for the entirety of the episode. this week I listened to an episode titled “ الرقص على اشلاء الجيل ” which roughly translates to dancing on the ruins of the generation. This episode talked about how gen-z is surrounded by a reality they can’t escape but are forced to face. They learn how to resist at a young age and mask their emotions because they must be grateful for the world they’ve been given. It also touched on toxic positivity, grief, and acceptance. Particularly how we must allow ourselves to feel sadness in the moment, and how to grieve in the moment so that we don’t go through the stages of grief later. How allowing ourselves to feel our negative emotions and sadness is the only way we will survive and live.    I always played “the rock” in my family or in my friendships and I hold a certain strength in that. But even rocks weather over time. Now, I think a...